you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
