Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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