half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I want to be your penis for a week.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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