I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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