Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
