We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
foreskin is a definite game changer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
