meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
