I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
