i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
