Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
