party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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