Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
