Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
