This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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