I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize