let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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