It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
