Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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