I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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