you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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