Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
