she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
