I hate your face
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
