I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
