Pappa wants mamma naked
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
