We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
