I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
