found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Houston, we have a squirter
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
