Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
