THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
