Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
operation harelip BJ is a go
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
