I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My vagina is officially offended.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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