Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
