I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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