ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
