So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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