dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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