In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
