You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
