I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
