Me too!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
