Can Purell be used as lube?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
