white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
