i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
