Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
