This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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