dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
