Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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