she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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