nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it glows. i had to have it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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