I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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