What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
