Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
