You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
