I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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