apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
