It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...