Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn

  (706): View more from Georgia

  And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her

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  (706): Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn (706): And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her http://tfl.nu/b039
  Replies (49) Good night (3396) Bad night (797)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?

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  (289): i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going? http://tfl.nu/rdp8
  Replies (20) Good night (839) Bad night (5294)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him

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  (407): he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him http://tfl.nu/igzq
  Replies (36) Good night (913) Bad night (6041)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.

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  (720): Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands. http://tfl.nu/3psd
  Replies (19) Good night (1448) Bad night (4407)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

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  (317): I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me. http://tfl.nu/s4ft
  Replies (36) Good night (7227) Bad night (1567)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night

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  (815): I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night http://tfl.nu/p9mu
  Replies (5) Good night (1175) Bad night (2448)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.

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  (832): I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers. http://tfl.nu/48lf
  Replies (3) Good night (2119) Bad night (1393)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.

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  (207): I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate. http://tfl.nu/7qra
  Replies (14) Good night (2268) Bad night (901)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

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  (860): Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now. http://tfl.nu/0rnz
  Replies (4) Good night (2834) Bad night (641)
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  (212): View more from New York

  The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.

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  (212): The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you. http://tfl.nu/c03k
  Replies (9) Good night (2451) Bad night (1000)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.

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  (903): Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts. http://tfl.nu/fdo3
  Replies (8) Good night (1539) Bad night (813)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.

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  (334): As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream. http://tfl.nu/b74h
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (332)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED

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  (205): I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED http://tfl.nu/p5zl
  Replies (5) Good night (356) Bad night (621)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.

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  (423): I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover. http://tfl.nu/e91a
  Replies (5) Good night (617) Bad night (365)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"

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  (941): She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you" http://tfl.nu/2vwa
  Replies (2) Good night (467) Bad night (305)

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