they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
