Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
