my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
