I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
