so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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