I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
