Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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