why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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