Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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