if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
