I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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