I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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