you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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