I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
